Pooptasticness

Absolutely love that quote. It's exactly the mind frame I've been really trying to embrace this year. It'll happen. 

My last post was super lame-o sad-o. But it's also really freeing to just get it out. I'm not normally a depressed and sad person. I love to joke around and just be happy and have a good time. But I guess everyone goes through times that dampens their spirits a bit. I know by the end of this year, I will be such a stronger person than I was before and I'm thankful for that. 

Even though I've had to go through hell and back, everything that happens makes you who you are. I'd rather have some hiccups in the road and mistakes than to just live a safe and boring life where I tried nothing new. Every year my new years resolution is to try something new. Maybe I'm cheating by having the same resolution each year, but I don't care. I really want to live my life and experience everything that I can. 

I'm especially thankful for being able to experience so much with some really great people who are in my life. Some of them I don't get to see very much and I miss a lot, but it's always great talking with them whenever we get the chance. It's really the people in your life that can make it better or worse and I'm glad I have a few good people that make it much better and bearable. Maybe one day I can spend more time with the ones I can't right now, but for now I'm here and I'm determined to make this a better year. 

So yeah. Go out and live. And try to find some happiness in the day, no matter how poop-tastic it may be. I know, what a beautiful saying haha Poop-tastic!

Blah

I'm so tired of this shit. Life has just been way too hard this year. I seriously feel broken and I hate it. I can't seem to pull myself together or get happier and it makes me feel weak that I can't move past this sadness. 

I don't know what to do. 

Everything I try to make myself forget and to be happier, it's just a lie. I might smile on the outside, but I'm broken inside and I feel like I can't be fixed. I'm just holding onto the hope that one day in the future, I will be able to be happy again. Sincerely happy. It's been a long time since I've really felt happy deep down inside and I miss it. 

I guess if I'm at the lowest I can ever imagine possible, there is nothing else to do but pick up the pieces and try again. I really have been trying. It's just been so incredibly hard and lonely. I wish I had someone I could truly rely on and trust. Someone to go out with and make me forget all of this shit. I guess the only person you can ever truly count on is yourself though. I've been letting myself down lately and beating myself up, but I'm truly going to try and change. 

This next year I have a lot of plans, all of which include me finding myself and enjoying life. I really hope that can happen. Guess we will see. For now though, today just sucks balls and I'm going to go climb in bed and ignore the world.

End of my emo post..sorry. I just needed to get it out. Lame.