Blah

I'm so tired of this shit. Life has just been way too hard this year. I seriously feel broken and I hate it. I can't seem to pull myself together or get happier and it makes me feel weak that I can't move past this sadness. 

I don't know what to do. 

Everything I try to make myself forget and to be happier, it's just a lie. I might smile on the outside, but I'm broken inside and I feel like I can't be fixed. I'm just holding onto the hope that one day in the future, I will be able to be happy again. Sincerely happy. It's been a long time since I've really felt happy deep down inside and I miss it. 

I guess if I'm at the lowest I can ever imagine possible, there is nothing else to do but pick up the pieces and try again. I really have been trying. It's just been so incredibly hard and lonely. I wish I had someone I could truly rely on and trust. Someone to go out with and make me forget all of this shit. I guess the only person you can ever truly count on is yourself though. I've been letting myself down lately and beating myself up, but I'm truly going to try and change. 

This next year I have a lot of plans, all of which include me finding myself and enjoying life. I really hope that can happen. Guess we will see. For now though, today just sucks balls and I'm going to go climb in bed and ignore the world.

End of my emo post..sorry. I just needed to get it out. Lame.